Friday, December 30, 2016

The unwelcome guest

'Because sometimes that's what has to be done. 
You have to lay down with it. The hurt. Or the heartache or even the hate.
 Whatever is inside. Sometimes you have to get close to it. 
Taste it and understand it so you can define it, before it defines you.' 
JmStorm



I sense you, 
I feel you,
I know that you are constantly there. 
I am the antelope, you are the lion...hunting..stalking...preying.
Some days you are in the shadows waiting for your opportunity to strike.
Some days you seep into my joints and bones causing agonizing pain.
Some days you zap all my precious energy leaving me struggling to function.
Some days you leave me shaky, feverish and nauseous. 
Some days you decide to cause havoc with my heart rate.
Some days you engulf and swallow up my whole being. 
You are always there.
Waiting,,,, 
Waiting to attack, pouch and suffocate. 
Taunting me. 
My unwanted companion at 4am when I cant sleep due to severe pain.
My unwanted companion that takes away opportunities, choices, freedoms and my independence. 
My every move is calculated because of you.
Will walking too far upset you?
Will staying up an hour later offend you?
Will socialising cause you to become aggravated?
You make me question my every move filling me with anxiety.
Will I upset the balance?
Is it my fault?
Quite frankly you are powerful, controlling and terrifying all at the same time. 

For some reason though our paths have been aligned and as unwelcome as you are 
I know you are there.
I acknowledge you and respect your power because the reality is in a mixed up kind of way you think you are protecting me. 
You think you are helping me.
Do you know what though..truth be told I think you are confused.
Confused what your role is, what your job is. 
My body is not the enemy, I am not the enemy.
I am not your prey!
I promise you I can protect myself.
I do not need your constant suffocating grip.

I can do this without you. 
I can be whole without you.
I can be enough without you.
I can be ME without you.

I can survive without you if you just gave me the chance!





Friday, December 16, 2016

Hippy, Hoppy Christmas!



On the first day of Christmas my left hip gave to me:
one visit to the surgeon.

On the second day of Christmas my left hip gave to me: 
two diamante crutches, one visit to the surgeon.

On the third day of Christmas my left hip gave to me: 
three minute wheat bags, two diamante crutches, one visit to the surgeon. 

On the fourth day of Christmas my left hip gave to me: 
four hourly pain medication, three minute wheat bags, 
two diamante crutches, one visit to the surgeon. 

On the fifth day of Christmas my left hip gave to me: 
fifty moans and groans, four hourly pain medication, three minute wheat bags, 
two diamante crutches, one visit to the surgeon. 

On the sixth day of Christmas my left hip gave to me: 
six staring people, fifty moans and groans, four hourly pain medication, 
three minute wheat bags, two diamante crutches, one visit to the surgeon. 

On the seventh day of Christmas my left hip gave to me: 
seven sleepless nights, six staring people, fifty moans and groans,
 four hourly pain medication, three minute wheat bags,
 two diamante crutches, one visit to the surgeon. 

On the eighth day of Christmas my left hip gave to me: 
eight suggested 'remedies', seven sleepless nights, six staring people, 
fifty moans and groans, four hourly pain medication, three minute wheat bags,
 two diamante crutches, one visit to the surgeon.

On the ninth day of Christmas my left hip gave to me: 
nine Netflix movies,eight suggested 'remedies', seven sleepless nights,
 six staring people, fifty moans and groans, four hourly pain medication, 
three minute wheat bags, two diamante crutches, one visit to the surgeon. 

On the tenth day of Christmas my left hip gave to me:
 ten multiplied by ten silent tears, nine Netflix movies eight suggested 'remedies',
 seven sleepless nights, six staring people, fifty moans and groans, 
four hourly pain medication, three minute wheat bags, 
two diamante crutches, one visit to the surgeon.

On the eleventh of Christmas my left hip gave to me:
 eleven minutes to put my socks on, ten multiplied by ten silent tears, 
nine Netflix movies, eight suggested 'remedies', seven sleepless nights, 
six staring people, fifty moans and groans, four hourly pain medication, 
three minute wheat bags, two diamante crutches, one visit to the surgeon. 

On the twelfth day of Christmas my left hip gave to me:
 twelve deep breaths, eleven minutes to put my socks on, 
ten multiplied by ten silent tears, nine Netflix movies,
 eight suggested 'remedies', seven sleepless nights, 
six staring people, fifty moans and groans,
 four hourly pain medication, three minute wheat bags,
two diamante crutches, one visit to the surgeon!!!

AND THE BEST PRESENT OF A CORTISONE INJECTION